4:24am: Outliers
There has only been one thing I've ever managed to care about and remain the same level of caring over an extended period of time. I don't know how it happened or why. Fluke perhaps.

I think I speak just to test to see if people can understand my nonsense. Chances are even I don't. Perhaps I am looking for a replacement me; if only it was that simple.

4:18am: Friday Night
So it would seem 0.5mg of clonazepam and 40mg of zolpidem tartrate on a near empty stomach seems to produce something not too unlike having a few drinks. Which I guess it not too unexpected. It is just that at the lower recommended dosages not effect was noticed. Perhaps I just happen to be tired tonight. Stranger things have been known to happen.

Or there is just nothing but crap on television and I'm completely bored with solitaire. The cooler night is also helpful.

It isn't that I want to world to burn because I think people should suffer; I just think it will provide me with something interesting to do. I guess really new. I would be dead before the week was out.

People should only suffer if it manages to change them to my point of view. It should have a reason. I think I have reasons; I'm just not done fleshing all of them out.

4:06am: Further
It appears that my cat may be somewhere between somewhat and extremely sick. Medical expenses really do add up quickly. Saving and certain to be doomed cat will achieve nothing and yet I feel compelled to try.

Thinking that the problem had been resolved with just the folded eyelid was naive.

I am going to miss the cat even if I don't spend much time with it anymore. I think I shall regret not doing so more later but I can't tell.

4:01am: Drymouth
I used to want to be free of social constraints; a sociopath as it were. It was not to be although I don't think that it is because I feel restrained; more that a chance at an ineffective action would not work and thus what is the point. This is pretty much true of anything; or so I have come to believe.

I've been amused by the minutial of ordinary life for decent amounts of time but not that no longer binds me I'm back to the problem where I know something must be done but it is either impossible or I cannot do it. Or at least seem like I won't.

Change is a tricky thing. It can do nothing most of the time; something great very rarely and terrible terrible things far more often. Even terrible things can eventually lead to a greater good, but there is no way to predict. Not that there is an good way to predict that seemingly `good' acts will end up causing even greater harm.

I don't think I want any of that now though. I just want others to. Perhaps in time they will; it is just that they are seemingly not doing anything like that now.

To be understood without having to explain.

Loneliness provides some of the freedom that I think I've been craving for a while. Or think that I've been craving.

I want an improved world without the means to do it or even a clear plan. Hell; I'm not even sure by what I mean by an improved world.

Too much energy is being devoted to controlling relatively minor risks that, while tragic on a personal level, do not matter on any real important scales. Where are we going and why? A little more safety, somewhat more comfort and perhaps a new form of amusement every now and again.

It has been working for now but how is it going to trap us.

I don't know, I'm not sure I really care. I want to care but I don't think it matters. Best of luck.

7:33pm: If the cat did it
I need to keep better track of what I planned to write here.

2:00pm: Wax rings
I have finally managed to successfully solder something recently. Still not clear how people manage to hold three things together with only two hands and not burn themselves but I sort of made it happen.

Coffee. Coffee has never been something I've really enjoyed but have recently been drinking quite a lot of it in some sort of attempt to not be asleep most of the day. This extended time with the stuff has provided me some insight into why I don't much like it; I can't make a decent cup. At all. I have no idea what I am doing wrong. This is also true for everyone else in my family.

At some point in my family's distant past some coffee farmer much have insulted or been insulted by an ancestor of mine and we are punishing/being punished because of it.

2:49pm: Ew.
That would be the very first image I've posted here. I feel a little dirty.

2:48pm: Throw away your money (.com)

4:58pm: Paperwork
Now that I have a cat I find myself wondering what will happen when it dies. Sort of a morbid version of wondering what siblings will sound like when they finally get around to learning to speak. That never worked out for me though since it was so gradual by the time it happened I had completely forgotten how I thought they might sound before they did.

I wonder if this might have been different had I had pets before. Well, other than a hamster which I don't think was mine and I only had it run crudely constructed mazes. Also those baby birds that were doomed to die anyway having fallen three stories and lying on the ground a while before getting to me.

The garage still has the smell of dead baby bird. I don't think I find it all that unpleasant but it can be a little oppressive at times. Sort of warm and clingy, if that can be seen as a attribute of a smell.

1:39am: Winter
I like sand and snow. I think perhaps one day it would be interesting to combine the two. The sand might be a little more difficult to work with, although the holes might not fill up with water quite as quickly. Perhaps not though, the ocean remains unfrozen.

12:56am: My bones are weary
So it only took ten and a half hours standing around on a Manhattan street to get a Wii. While it is nice to have one I would not recommend this tactic for anyone else. My enjoyment has been reduced by the ordeal; at least temporarily.

It did not go over as well as I might have hoped as a wedding gift in spite of it being white. (Hello there first of my friends to marry. No, wait. Second. Sort of.)

And now I'm pretty much just going to be playing the first Zelda and Toejam and Earl on it. You can tell I thought this through.

12:07am: Fine
It is all lies; but eventually they won't be.

Characters that amuse me: ; | * & Byron the immortal light bulb } ~

3:38am: Dr. W. K.
Sorry about the order.

1:21am: Pretty pink pills
"Ignorance answers few questions but ends many meetings."

- Dr. I.F.

5:34pm: Almost totally at odds with my belief in child suffrage;
I wonder if it would be such a bad idea to require people to show some basic knowledge of statistics and/or logic in order to be allowed to vote.

It would take longer to vote. Really though, is there any good reason to have it done all in one day? Is it some sort of bandage we are trying to rip off?

2:55pm: God dammit, why won't you shut up?
Fall has a nice smell.

11:44pm: Boxes
I enjoy boxes although I am not entirely clear why. It might be that they hold the promise of organization but I would think I have enough experience with myself at this point to know that just is not going to happen.

I also like pens and paper. There is also a lot of pens that have only been used once or twice and even more paper that is completely blank around me. Much of it not in the boxes. Most of the boxes are filled with stuff; at this point I have forgotten which boxes have what though. Black in seems to be my preferred color. I think I used to like blue but I cannot think of the last blue pen I've seen. Red is only really useful if you have something written.

My printer needs more toner.

2:08pm: {index}
2

2:07pm: I think it has come time to have my hair cut, again
Interesting facts about cats and prak: None

1:37pm: I don't know. Something about stuff.
Very slowly I am being drawn into this thing. I have added a user image. I think I had a stupid reason for not doing it before but I have become somewhat fond of the gray box.

Sad isn't it?

11:32am: Arr!
The cat has returned. It now has an extra eye; still no opposable thumbs. I cannot claim to not be at least a little disappointed.

Sea leg tests have been postponed until at least next week. The cone appears to make navigation challenging.

2:42am: Life
So it seems I had a cat. It is gone now.

5:08pm: Dickfellig Macht Frei
So, a jew, gypsy and homosexual walk into a shower.
( Read more... )

3:20am: I do not fully understand
It seems I have shifted to taking my eight hours of sleep and split it into four at night and another four in the afternoon. Sometimes the afternoon gets more than four, the night does not seem to anymore.

3:17am: The word
Gotten